The Ugly Little Duckling

I can be awkward, klutzy, nerdy, and a little uncomfortable at times but these days, I’m feeling completely out of sorts.

You see I now work at a fashion company. Everyday, though I show up dressed appropriately I don’t feel like I measure up.

I am not as skinny as the women running around our office. I am not in heels everyday. I don’t have a real sense of fashion. I feel like my hair and makeup leave so much to be desired.

I try. Everyday I try but I feel like the ugly little duckling in a room full of swans. I feel like I’m being judged and measured and I don’t make the cut.

I know that there is a disproportionate amount of teeny-tiny fashionistas in my proximity and I shouldn’t let it make me feel bad but it does.

I am a petite (short) size 14/16 in the land of size 0’s. The only other people who are my size in my office are the older (45+) women. So I am alone.

My clothes fit me well and I’m always put together but I feel like it’s not enough. I feel plain and out-of-place. I feel self-conscious all the time like I am being judged. Maybe it’s all in my head but I just wish I could blend in a bit more. I wish that I could have the confidence to not care what other people think or to worry if people are evaluating me. I wish I had the ability to not internalize this pressure and feel worse about myself.

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3 thoughts on “The Ugly Little Duckling

  1. Ugh. I don’t know if I could work in that environment because I think it could challenge even the most self confident being surrounded by those that are size 0s and in heels everyday. Hang in there! I’m sure you look gorgeous. Plus, hang onto the fact that no one is going to want to feed you a sandwich outside of work – just to make you look like a curvy sexy woman should. šŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much for saying that. It never really dawned on me when I interviewed for the job it would be like that. No one is trying to feed me outside of work but even eating lunch now makes me self-conscious. I’ve never seen so much salad in my life! Salad bars don’t stock as much salad as I see at lunch time there! Oddly enough, Friday is donut day on my side of the office šŸ™‚ I caught myself the other morning putting on a pair of impossibly high heels before I came to my senses and decided on something more practical for my day. I always feel like I will stick out there, at least until I loose 50 pounds or develop a sense of fashion I seem to lack.

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