I can be awkward, klutzy, nerdy, and a little uncomfortable at times but these days, I’m feeling completely out of sorts.
You see I now work at a fashion company. Everyday, though I show up dressed appropriately I don’t feel like I measure up.
I am not as skinny as the women running around our office. I am not in heels everyday. I don’t have a real sense of fashion. I feel like my hair and makeup leave so much to be desired.
I try. Everyday I try but I feel like the ugly little duckling in a room full of swans. I feel like I’m being judged and measured and I don’t make the cut.
I know that there is a disproportionate amount of teeny-tiny fashionistas in my proximity and I shouldn’t let it make me feel bad but it does.
I am a petite (short) size 14/16 in the land of size 0’s. The only other people who are my size in my office are the older (45+) women. So I am alone.
My clothes fit me well and I’m always put together but I feel like it’s not enough. I feel plain and out-of-place. I feel self-conscious all the time like I am being judged. Maybe it’s all in my head but I just wish I could blend in a bit more. I wish that I could have the confidence to not care what other people think or to worry if people are evaluating me. I wish I had the ability to not internalize this pressure and feel worse about myself.