I have been hiding this relationship for many, many reasons but mostly because I needed to know it’s real before I let prying eyes and judgmental mouths near it.
You see I have a Daddy but like most things in life there are complications around our relationship that I won’t discuss in detail.
I should back up and mention how we met, it was through my old, now defunct blog. He sent me an email one day, he started commenting on my ramblings and it took off from there. We got to know each other pretty well through lengthy emails and chats, talking about everything and our relationship evolved into a mentor/mentee situation. But I was bratty and tested him constantly, I didn’t respond to him as a mentee should so after a particularly rough patch for us, he said we would remain friends but that our mentorship had to end – after all, I didn’t really need it. At first this made me feel lost and confused but true to his word we’ve remained friends.
Over a year after we started communicating we had breakfast together. And it was like our words come to life over french toast and fruit. It was slightly awkward to know someone the way we knew each other and to be meeting for the first time. It was an interesting conversation to say the least. I blushed, rolled my eyes, laughed and eventually felt more at ease, which doesn’t always happen when I meet someone new.
Our lives puttered along. We maintained our friendship while doing our own things.
Yes, there have been moments where he’s hit on me and I would blush a million shades of red. Yes, there was even a time or two where a line was crossed and it became too intense for me but I always pulled back. I didn’t want to complicate his situation or mine and I was of the firm belief that my heart only held room for one person at a time.
Time marched on and I had a few experiences last summer that caused me to reevaluate my perspective on monogamy and my understanding of how I can or might want to maintain various relationships at once. How various relationships can provide me with different elements that I need to grow, to feel nurtured and to feel loved.
This relationship with my Daddy doesn’t make me love The (Ex) Boyfriend any less or any differently. Actually, Daddy has supported me through my trials and tribulations with him only wanting me to be happy. Even cheering on our dates and hook-ups. In the same way that I support him in his other relationships. We talk about me dating (maybe sometime in the future), my desires to have the things in life that he already has. We are in many ways compartmentalizing what “we” are from the rest of our lives even though it’s never entirely separate.
Though outwardly, I’m not sure we could be any more different, we are in many ways made of similar character and mind. It’s amusing to me how much this freaks him out. You see, I have had the advantage of knowing we’re similar for a long time, it’s only recently I’ve begun to reveal to him and to make him understand just how much it’s true. There is a level of understanding that exists between us that neither of us have experienced before. We’re wired similarly. Often one of us will express something and the other will have thought/felt/acted the same way. Or lately, though we are apart we are thinking the same thing and one of us will email just as the other goes to mention it. Once is a coincidence but repeatedly? On varying random topics? Synchronicity.
April 1st we were bantering back and forth, teasing and talking around things. Basically, it was each of us saying, “no, you go first”, until finally I typed, “agree”. And with that little word our relationship changed. We stepped out of simply being friends and added to our dynamic. He is my Daddy and I am his little girl (though he has other nicknames for me but that’s another post). I am, well we are, still trying to figure out our dynamic but it is one that is incredibly comfortable and loving.
I have always felt he occupied a very fatherly space in my life, offering guidance and support but I didn’t immediately assume he would be my Daddy. Truthfully, I thought that before we’d discussed it that he’d think it was silly. So when I proposed that I call him Daddy, I thought he’d laugh. Actually he was overjoyed! And from there, we’ve fallen quite nicely into our Daddy/little girl dynamic. It’s a soft, gentle domination coupled with a quiet, easy submission that renders me impossibly small at times. Don’t misunderstand, he has used, beaten, bitten and choked me but I am also kissed, held, stroked, caressed, spoiled and loved.
The two of us are positively mushy for each other. I bring out the Daddy in him and he brings out the little girl in me.