Communicating

I have read many, many posts about people in open relationships, swingers, D/s relationships who all stress the importance of communication. I’m not sure I have anything to add to those posts but now I fully understand what people were talking about.

You see Daddy and I have a friendship that was built on constant communication. Before he became my Daddy we did talk about difficult topics but it wasn’t about “us”. Now we have to discuss incredibly difficult subject when it comes to us. Respecting our feelings and boundaries, the feelings and boundaries of the others we’re involved with and how we continue to negotiate and grow in our own relationship.

This week we had to tackle some pretty intense and exhausting subjects. One of them had to do with why these posts are password protected.

Daddy and I are both well-educated and enjoy a facility with words but this past week we struggled to make ourselves understood. At times I felt like what I was saying was plain but he couldn’t grasp it. I grew frustrated and angry. Annoyed that I was the only one who seemed concerned when ultimately, it wouldn’t impact my life in any great way. Our other impasse this week was simply us being unsure of what the other needed and how to respect their boundaries without limiting the nature of our relationship. That was a doozy for me.

It wasn’t until I realized that Daddy was trying so hard to shelter me from something that I understood, accepted and quite frankly can’t really ignore that what he needed from me was permission not to hide. Not to censor (within reason). Not to fear being open with me. He did not want to hurt me but in an odd way withholding was hurting me more. Pretending that part of him didn’t exist felt like dishonesty to me. And we have always been honest with each other. Now that cornerstone of our relationship is more important than ever.

Unfortunately, because our face time is limited we have to rely on our written words and some times things do not translate as well on the screen as the would in real life. Sometimes a conversation that could be softened with hand-holding and a cuddle seems harsh, drawn-out, and emotionally exhaustive.

But

We press on. We continue to explain, reiterate, reframe and rework our words until both sides are understood. Until we reach the place where we want to be. Because both of us need and want to maintain this relationship neither of us will allow confusion or hurt to drag on. Because we each recognize how hard it is to find someone who understands they way we understand each other. Because we both have an overwhelming desire to understand and be understood. Because we love each other we communicate.

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2 thoughts on “Communicating

  1. We had the basis of friendship and communication long before anything else. We had a high level of trust and confidence that took a long time to establish; it had been challenged several times and withstood the tests. There has always been humour and oddities and banter besides just serious topics in the things we’ve talked about. And we had developed ways to talk, debate, argue, and disagree which were non-threatening.

    And things did and have changed in the way we talk and communicate. Being your Daddy, and not just your friend, means looking out for your best interests, keeping you safe, and sheltering you. And yes, we’ve learned that there are subtle differences in how we define sheltering – the nuanced understanding of the impact that keeping things from you has.

    And so we talk and wrestle with the inadequacies of words. But the trust abides [just like The Dude] as does the commitment to finding the correct words and sentiments. These, plus the gift of time, sustain us through the frustrations. Until we are back. Together.

    • I think the fact that we can say anything – we can express fears, jealousies, happinesses, successes and everything in between – that allows us to keep talking. Knowing that at some point, though we may not understand we will. And no matter what is said, neither of us fears rejection or judgement from the other. It keeps us going.

      I never fear your words but I would fear your silence – something we both don’t allow or accept.

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