Unconsciously Sabotaging Myself

Lately this is something I’ve been wondering about. Not in all aspects of my life mind you, just one really.


If you’ve been a reader for anything length of time you know that relationships are not my forté. Lately I’ve begun to wonder if somehow I’m sabotaging myself.

I fall for men who for one reason or another are not available to me the way I need or want them to be. They turn out to be gay; they “adore” me but don’t want to date; they love me but don’t want to date; they take me out, we have sex but they are too busy to turn it into anything more; they live impossibly far away or better yet they are married.

There are men who are attracted to me; who look for my affections; who are available to me but I’m not interested.

So why am I always setting myself up for these impossible situations where my needs just can’t be met?


2 thoughts on “Unconsciously Sabotaging Myself

  1. I would say probably. You’ve spoken before of self esteem and self worth issues and whats amazing about those (in an awful way) is how deeply ingrained they are into our behavior and choices. If you dont truly believe you are worth more, the same experiences will repeat. Also, people like your ex partners, who try to get away with that shit (calling them predators seems harsh but also may be accurate) can smell fear and insecurity and are drawn to it. You each satisfy the others “needs”…in my experience, anyway.

  2. I had an ex who told me I sabotaged every relationship I was ever in. He had no clue what the fuck he was talking about because two relationships I did end were because I was being abused.

    You know, I seem to get attracted to the same kind of men when I am looking for a secondary partner… almost unavailable at all times. Why? Because these are smart and life driven men. I have no attraction to men who have a lot of time on their hands subconsciously. These men turn out to not be able to attract me intellectually or be able to function in society. Now, the men who do attract me are strapped for time. This is because they are intelligent and have a lot going on in their lives. I always scold myself for falling for men who have limited time for me… but in the end… those are the men who attract me the most because their limited time is merely a symptom of their character.

    Perhaps this might shed some light on a few unseen things. 🙂

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