Those are not words I feel as an HR professional should be written on an evaluation, and yet I’m staring at them on mine.
They were accompanied by a book on emotional intelligence.
I do not lack emotional intelligence. I lack giving a fuck. There is a big difference.
I am half inclined to just be more condescending, sarcastic and unapproachable because at this point getting fired would actually be a wonderful thing. Hell I’d quit if I could!
The gist of my appraisal is this: you’re a great employees but you’re sick and that’s too much for us to deal with so get better. If you get better we’ll let you do all kinds of things. Oh and we won’t accommodate you to let you work from home because a lawyer said not to but it’s your fault people have to pick up your slack.
Oh and apparently my coworkers offered feedback about me – I didn’t realize that was an option. I’m tempted to make lists and post them for everyone to read maybe suggest a few of them grow up and act like adults instead of telling my boss.
I am trying to vent all my hostility and anger so I can walk into work on Monday and not cut anyone. I am trying to vent all of this hurt and ager and frustration because I’ve had a headache for 24 hours not that Tylenol 3s, wine, coffee, water, sleep and a orgasm or two have no been able to shake. I am trying to get this all out because I cannot for the life of me figure out how the fuck I got here.
No one of the coworkers I work closely ever asks how I really am. The one person who does, is like my work mom. She checks in if I’ve missed a day, she actually wants to hear my answer if I say I’m not doing well…none of my immediate coworkers ever ask if I’m well. How I’m really feeling. How am I handling things. Do I need anything? But no, I’m the one who needs to put on a happy face and make everyone else think I’m warm and fuzzy. You know when it takes me 1.5 hours to get out of bed because I’m exhausted and I need to stretch just to be able to waddle to the bathroom in the morning, I’m not the most chipper. I try but I am in pain. I am always running on empty.
Instead of anyone trying to help me, I get piled on for not being able to be “reliable”. The ways in which that actually tears me up….
So I need to go to work on Monday, pretend that I’m happy about this shit that’s been dumped in my lap and smile.
Welcome to HR.
*sorry in my rage-writing earlier, I misquoted – I am “sarcastic, condescending and unapproachable”. I apologize for my earlier mistake. Selfish is implied by the way I put everyone else out.