Confused and Confounded

I am making one of the biggest changes of my adult-grown-out-of-school life. A new job. It’s a celebration. It’s awesome! It’s incredible! I am bouncing off the walls excited for Monday morning.

Everyone who ever sent a “hang in there” message as I struggled with my old job; who congratulated me on getting my new job; and who rejoiced with me on my last horrible day, you are all amazing and wonderful and I love you.

When I’ve crawled into bed these last few days, I’ve just felt like even thought things are going so well and moving in the right direction for the first time in ages, something’s missing.

Someone.

I really want someone to share this with me.

My friends and family have been incredibly proud and happy for me and we’ve celebrated but what I need now is still missing.

It funny because of the last year I’ve wished for some one by my side many times, mostly to help shoulder the immensity of my illness. Someone to hold my hand when I get bad news or take care of me when I’m sick but this is the first time I can think of that I want someone by my side to share in this overwhelming happiness.

So right now, I’m so happy I’m sad. Truthfully, I’m just lonely. It’s the big things that remind you, you’re by yourself.

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One thought on “Confused and Confounded

  1. Maybe in the new job you’ll see a lot more fresh faces and possibilities. Changing your orbit might make a big difference. Good luck. I am so glad you are out of that job that you were so unhappy in.

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