*Trigger warning – rape*
And if I close my eyes I remember every single detail.
I remember every no I said, screamed, whispered, begged and pleaded.
I remember being held face down on my bed.
I remember lying beside him, sleepless in my bed all night.
I remember the relief of him waking and wanting to leave immediately.
I remember the nausea.
I remember being unable to keep food in for two weeks after.
All I wish I could do is forget.
But my body and my mind do not forget.
News or tv or movies or horrifically triggering jokes are everywhere. Some days I can avoid them. Some days I am fortified against them but others leave me feeling vulnerable and terrified. I wish this wasn’t so but it is.
Two years on and the echoes of what my rapist did can derail me.