Two years gone…

*Trigger warning – rape*

And if I close my eyes I remember every single detail.

I remember every no I said, screamed, whispered, begged and pleaded.

I remember being held face down on my bed.

I remember lying beside him, sleepless in my bed all night.

I remember the relief of him waking and wanting to leave immediately.

I remember the nausea.

I remember being unable to keep food in for two weeks after.

All I wish I could do is forget.

But my body and my mind do not forget.

News or tv or movies or horrifically triggering jokes are everywhere. Some days I can avoid them. Some days I am fortified against them but others leave me feeling vulnerable and terrified. I wish this wasn’t so but it is.

Two years on and the echoes of what my rapist did can derail me.

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