I realise that you just got back from your maternity leave over two months ago now but I think it’s about time you, you know…work.
In case you haven’t looked at our mutual job description in the last few months let me clarify something for you. Inputting absence reports is *NOT* a full time job. Or it might be for someone making half your salary.
I’m not sure whether you’ve noticed or not but on a daily basis I do 10 times more work than you do in a week. That’s my natural clip so I’m not complaining but I thought you coming back would in some way lighten my load. Actually, it seems to be getting heavier as now I’m tasked with picking up your slack as well as my own major projects that are on the go.
Making flip comments like, “You and our boss are like two peas in a pod”, when I hear the way you trash our boss behind her back, is not endearing me to you.
I know our boss gave you a verbal smack down the other week but that’s no reason for you to ratchet up your passive-aggressive-cunt-like behaviour. Seriously, pretending I do not exist when I can stretch out my hand and slap you at any given moment is not in your best interest.
We don’t need to be friends, hell we don’t even have to like each other (lord knows I think you’re an immature brat who has no concept of what a work ethic is!) but you do need to be civil to me.
I am content to have minimal interaction with you but do not, for your own sake try to bully me or push me over – I will push back.
Also learn boundaries. I appreciate that you were having a miscarriage (a normal woman would have stayed home but I digress) but there was no need for you to graphically describe what you discovered in your panties while I was eating my morning snack.
We are not friends. I can’t stress that enough. I don’t actually care about your weekend plans. Or your daughter or husband or if you’re already pregnant again (I suspect if you’re not you’re trying). None of that matters to me. What does matter to me is that you show up on time. You do more of our shared work. You listen to what I say if you ask me for my opinion before you disregard it and you don’t waste my time.
If you do those things we can fake this coworker relationship until you get knocked up or fired, which ever comes first.